2015: One day, I was feeling particularly lonely. My mom had died 5 months before and then my boyfriend and I split up. One month later, I was spending alot of time alone on the land and it felt vast and lonely. I was really sad and I felt like I didn’t want to be here.
I was tidying grass around the pond with a rake and I looked down and saw a dragonfly on the ground. it was curled into the foetal position. as I looked closer, I realised that I must have caught it with the rake and my heart went out to it. I put my finger down to it and surprisingly, it hopped onto my finger. Instantly, I felt that it was there solidly, like, it wasn’t going to go away, we had a connection. for what seemed to be the first time since I went to that land, I sat down on the bench by the pond with the dragonfly on my finger, there was nothing else I could do!
I felt this intense need to look after it. I examined this tiny creature and saw that it’s front wing was bent over double. As it sat on my finger, I tried gently to pull it’s wing to unfold it, but it flinched and so I stopped. I didn’t know what else to do, so I just sat with it and examined it’s movements.. I put my other hand in front of it and it hopped onto that and walked over it. I tried to put it on the grass but it wouldn’t go so I just sat with it through the morning until my heart became very heavy and I began to cry. att rang and I told him about the dragonfly. “What will you do?” he asked. I didn’t know so I emptied my mind of the thoughts that had made me cry-(sitting and watching him die on my hand). As we were talking, an idea started to formulate, a little hope! “I’m going up to Bill to see if he can help”. I walked up through three fields with the dragonfly on my hand (with a container underneath for if it fell) feeling very connected.
Bill is a healer. He was on his own, sitting in the kitchen. I told him in tears, what had happened. and he said “lets go to the window and have a look.” With his huge, rough farmers hands, he gently unfolded the dragonflies wing, until it looked as good as new! He said he would give it a blessing and I said I would pray for it and send it light. He said “that should have been the first thing you did!” At that point, Mo, his wife, his son and three grandchildren came in from shopping. They all crowded round to have a look at the dragon fly, still sitting solidly on my finger. I made my way back down to the cabin. As I made my lunch, I left the dragonfly in a container filled with grass and it sat in there very still. I found some flies in a spiders web and picked one out to see if he was hungry. He didn’t respond, maybe the fly wasn’t fresh enough. I put a little honey on a spoon, but that didn’t seem much of interest either. After finishing my lunch, I picked him up again and sat outside letting him walk from one hand to the other. As he hopped onto one, I placed my other hand in front and he hopped onto that one, an endless journey of walking! This time though, the dragonfly looked in tact and having visited Bill and getting some positive energy, I was mich more positive about it’s recovery.
I sat back in front of the pond with him again, examining his little face which was incredibly expressive. As I talked gently to him, reassuringly, he seemed to understand. He would turn his head, cocked to one side and look straight at me. It was as if we were communicating, one what level, I don’t know. But, I felt I knew this little creature very well and that this was no coincidence, this creature was sent to me on purpose. It came to me that this dragonfly had been sent to keep me company in my feelings of deep loneliness and disconnection, that’s why i felt such a strong connection to it. It also reminded me that, just because I was so hurt by other humans and their loss, I wasn’t alone here. I was surrounded by life as this little creature I was so fond of, was communicating this to me.
He was still on my finger when I held him up close to my face and said “you know, I’m alright, thank you for looking after me, you don’t have to stay with me any more. There is no reason why you can’t fly, just come back and visit me.
” To my astonishment, about 30 seconds later, he flew off my hand onto the bush about 2 metres away. I stared in amazement, feeling suddenly sad. Ho fleeting life is, from one moment to the next, connection, bereavement and grief, acceptance and then contentment. Contentment, because I realised that the dragonfly had reminded me that I didn’t need to be near anyone to be connected. I am connected, I just think I’m not because conditioning tells me I must have people around to be of worth and circumstances reflect that.
I got up and started to do some tasks, now and again coming back to the bush to see if the dragonfly was still there and he was. As it began to head towards dusk, i felt it may be dangerous for him to be out there at night as he still hadn’t flown away. So, I rang my friend Alison, who has a woodland with a pond, which she sits by, observing and examining the wildlife coming and going. Something she has been doing since early childhood. She is particularly curious about dragonflies. I told her the story and she asked me to describe him. She informed me that it was a female. I told her she hadn’t eaten and Alison said she would be fine. She can go for a very long time without food. Also, they tend to sit still on a leaf for a very long time too, this is quite normal. I felt relieved when Alison said “it sounds like you have done all the right things.” She said she probably hopped onto my hand because it was warm as it had been raining. Usually if it rains, they shelter under a leaf, until it stops. She said it would be best to make her a covered nest for the night and let her go in the morning. So I did. I placed a large cardboard box on the table in the kitchen, put a small oak plant in the middle, surrounded by grass and leaves. then I found a large clear plastic bowl to place over the top, creating a dome, to protect her.
As I was settling down in the easy chair for the evening, I went to the bush again, she was in exactly the same place and I offered my hand, which she hopped onto instantly. I took her into the cabin and sat with her on my hand into the late evening. I wondered if I could encourage her to fly a little in this safe environment? then, she would have the greatest opportunity in the morning to return to her life. I coaxed her by telling her she could fly and gently shaking my hand forward. It worked and she flew to the table. When it got dark, I put her into her makeshift bed and covered her with the transparent dome. Earlier, I had tried putting her on a ladies mantle leaf which is a great rainwater collector because of it’s shape, but she wasn’t interested in drinking. I left a little bowl of rainwater in her nest.
The next morning, I went straight down to see her. There she was, in exactly the same position. She hopped onto my finger again, I pulled my hand close to see her, said a few words and she cocked her head again. I smiled. Again, I took her outside and sat on the bench by the pond. I put my hand up into the air and said “off you go, come back and visit me.” and she flew off into a bush several metres away. I saw her land and went over to look at her before I got on with my tasks. At 11am, I had to go out and when I returned in the afternoon, she had gone. I felt sad, but ever since that time, I have seen so many dragonflies around the pond, and wondered if she had told them this was a safe place. Whenever I feel lonely, I think of her and how she has help me to feel included as part of the wild life on the land.
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